Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Don’t be a Douche


I’m writing this because this weekend at the tournament I went to there was a dreaded Douche. Sadly he came with the 10 of us from Peterborough. We all knew from playing with him at the shop that he was not the best guy in the world but we had hopes that he would be able to contain himself long enough to not make himself look like an ass. Sadly we were wrong. I bet right now you are saying to yourself “I bet it’s not that bad”. If you are thinking that THEN YOU’RE WRONG! Here is a list of a few things that this nameless person did during the Tournament. (Lets use this as a what NOT to do) For the sake of protecting names we will call him Mr.Douche.

The first game was going well and we all had hopes. They won the game and there was nothing that was reported to any of us. We have to assume that he was lubing up for the dreaded Douche insertion.

Second game came along and they found themselves losing. So Mr.Douche would not hear of it. He would contest every dice roll. He would have the dreaded Douche look on his face every time the other team took out there tape measure. He would remind you to take your saves and to allocate about five times before you had a chance to roll a dice. There is a lot more but just use your imagination and just think of everything you would not want to happen to you. Got it in your head? Now imagine all of it happening all at the same time from Mr.Douche. He annoyed the team that he played against so much that they quit the game. That’s right… They were beating Mr.Douche’s team and they said screw it. They had no desire to finish the game. They would rather quit and walk away. I’m sure they did this because they would have punched him in his face if they did not. Picture a 17 year old young man screaming at you at the top of his lungs. I think you might want to quit too.

So Mr.Douche is happy with his win in the second round. By now maybe he is thinking “Hey I can win this if I annoyed the last guy to” BUT NO! He wouldn’t do it again would he? He wouldn’t freak out so much that someone would punch him would he? It looked like it was going to go that way to be honest. Mr.Douche’s team was on the wire again and he went for the “I win button” They were not falling for the tricks of the super Douche though. It got pretty intense though. I thought that he was going to get punched… Mr.Douche was yelling and screaming so much he was sweating. He had beats of sweat dripping down from his face. Can you imagine someone freaking out so much that they would be sweating in the middle of winter in a poorly heated room? It happened… I was there and seen it with my own two eyes.

So what’s the result of acting like this you might ask. There are a lot of things that COULD happen when people act this way. Keep the following things that DID happen in mind if you ever find yourself being a Douche, but I know that people that read my Blog are not Douche’s (Yes I’m sucking up to you).

1. Because of Mr.Douches actions he is no longer welcome to attend any Tournament being held in Parry Sound.

2. Mr.Douche does not have a car. No one in Peterborough wants to drive him to Tournaments anymore.

3. Everyone at the club was very upset about the actions of Mr.Douche. There is talk of not allowing him to come anymore. We can’t just say you can no longer come to the shop anymore though. We are not the owners obviously that’s for him to decided. What can we do though? No one at the shop is going to play him again.

4. We thought about talking to Mr.Douche and trying to help him change but I don’t know how many people want to try. This is not the first time that he freaked out and made an ass out of himself. The sad part is that Mr.Douche is not a bad player. He knows the game pretty well. It goes to show you that it does not matter how good you are if you are a dick no one will want to play you, and like Mr.Douche found out you will be stuck in the corner playing with yourself.


So please follow this simple rule. DON’T BE A DOUCHE! Think about the person that is standing across from you. They are there to have fun too. They want to play the game and have a good time just like you.


  1. I wish that this story were not true, but I have seen other close relatives of Mr. Douche in my travels. He is not the only one, and if you get rid of him another douche will rise to take his place.

  2. That is s true Chris. There is always a few hiding in the shadows. We are trying to talk to him and help him to learn how to be human but I think its going to take some time.

    He was a home schooled kid so that may be helping to his complete lack of knowledge when it comes to social interaction. I'm not saying that all home school kids are messed up but for anyone that thinks they all are he would be the poster child to support that.

  3. I'd blame it on Peterborough... but since I'm from Kingston, I don't have a leg to stand on ;)

    That's too bad, though. I suppose there's always a bad apple in every bunch but that fellow's behavior really sounds unacceptably extreme.

    I'm still just getting into this hobby and from friends, I've heard horror stories about both behavior and cheating, particularly in tournaments.

    I'd like to think the stories are overblown but I watched my friend play in a Trenton tournament last weekend and I witnessed that sort of thing myself.

  4. Hmm Kingston eh. Are you going to Ard Boyz this year? I think they are holding Round 1 (If its like last year) I'm thinking of going to Kingston again this year but I still have a bad taste in my mouth from last time I went up there...

    They told us they had no idea who was in charge of the prize support for round 1 and later we found out that the store was in charge of prize support. I took 1st place and tried to get a hold of them but after about 3 months of them dodging me I kind of gave up. I did enjoy the people up there though its not there fault that the store dropped the ball.

  5. I'm not likely to do Ard Boyz this year but like last year, I'll end up watching anyway. I just won't have enough of what I want for it.

    I expect they'll end up holding Round 1 here again. I know what you're basically referring to, though; as I understand it, you're not the only person who got screwed around, but since it had nothing to do with me, I really don't know the whole story.

    That said, the lads of the local gaming club (dahouseofpain.org) might know more, particularly SanityAssassin who was the GK, if that helps any.